Hey, lovelies! It gives me great pleasure today to host David
Beem and his new book, “Edger – Audio Book”! For other stops on his Goddess Fish
Promotions Book Tour, please click on the banner above or any of the images in
this post.
Be sure to make it to the
end of this post to enter to win a $10 Amazon or Barnes and Noble Gift Card!! Also, come back daily to interact with David
and to increase your chances of winning!
Thanks for stopping
by! Wishing you lots of luck in this
fabulous giveaway!
Edger – Audio Book
by David Beem
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GENRE: Comedy, Action/Adventure
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BLURB:
Meet
Edger (Ed-jer), a twenty-six-year-old gadget retail dork destined to become the
world’s first superhero! His superpower: the ability to channel the Collective
Unconscious, a psychic network connecting the living and the dead. In his
arsenal are the skills of Bruce Lee, the strength of Samson, the wisdom of the
ages...and the dancing chops of Michael Jackson—including that one twisty foot
move, crotch grab, and fedora tilt. But there's a catch... Like every psychic
super power to get administered through a hypodermic needle, this one comes
with a prick. Someone seems to have misplaced the booster necessary for
stabilizing his superpower. Without it, Edger has three days before his brain
turns to pudding. Join our Dork of Destiny as he overcomes the world’s greatest
butt, two rival Cluck-n-Pray gangs, an evil cow, a Green Bay Defensive Tackle,
rifle-toting assassins—and a pair of stoners who inadvertently create the
world’s first supervillain after a wild night on Twitter!
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EXCERPT TWO:
The
water is filling.
We’re
spinning.
Blondie
is rapturing.
Below
us, the nightclub turns like a sparkling dream. Worse, Underwearld is
wallpapered in phosphorescent art photos of Caleb in his Calvin Kleins.
“Hey
Edger—it’s Caleb!” says Mary, banging her shoulder against the side of our
disco ball water torture prison and sloshing water. “Caleb! Caleb!”
I
roll my eyes. “Of course you know Caleb. Because the universe just couldn’t let
me die without letting me know: Hey—Mary knows Caleb.”
“Edger,
Caleb’s H.A.R.D.O.N.”
“Hard-on
for you, hard-on for Kate—”
“Oh
my God, Edger. Not now, okay? High Risk Agency for Regulating the Defense Of
the NFL.”
“What!?
That doesn’t even make any sense! It should be H-A-R-D-O—wait, somebody
capitalized the freaking O—?! You know, my tax dollars paid someone to
capitalize that letter O.”
“Really?
Really, Edger? You want to do this now?”
“That’s
what they always say too: ‘You wanna do this now.’ But notice they never
balance the budget. All I’m saying is, you gotta talk about it sometime.”
“Edger!
We. Are about. To die.”
So
I’m panting, she’s panting, and Caleb’s down there scanning the room in front
of a larger than life phosphorescent photograph of his crotch. Because
apparently all paths in life lead there.
“Caleb!”
Mary yells.
“Caleb!”
I yell.
And
so there we are, yelling our butts off, banging our shoulders into the wall,
water sloshing over our faces—you know, not panicking.
Then
the water level reaches our chins.
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GUEST POST:
How to Hold Yourself Accountable:
New Writers Can Finish that Book!
One of these days I’m going to write that novel…
Don’t let these be your famous last words!
Finishing
your first novel is something most aspiring fiction writers will never do.
There are a zillion excuses to keep you from reaching the end. (And usually
Twitter is at the top of the list.) Perhaps it’s fair to say the real secret to
success is success itself, which poses a bit of a chicken and egg conundrum.
Getting your book written is the only way to develop a functional system
for writing your book. Below are my 10 suggestions for new writers hoping to
make it from the first word to the last.
1.)
Know
thyself.
How much can you write on your best day? Five hundred words? A thousand? Seven
thousand? Consider your frame of mind on those best days and how to create an
environment where there are more best days than not.
2.) Set practical
goals.
Now that you know how many words you can crank out, start small. Assume only
one day a week will be spectacular. Keep showing up to write, even when it
means half productivity on your average writing day. Determine how long to
reach your final word count. Eg. Best day = 2000, average day = 1000. @5 days,
you’ve got 6k words written each week. @60k-word projected draft, you’ll be
done in 10 weeks. Put that date on the calendar, keep showing up to write.
3.) Don’t sweat it.
After all, this is the part where you simply shovel words—any words—onto the
page. It need only be workable, not artful. Remember: Anything can be
edited.
4.) Plotter or
pantser?
Follow your intuition. If you want some structure, set aside some time
(separately from writing time) to build a story frame. Pro tip: Frames can be
revised too. Relax!
5.) What happens
next?
At some point, every writer will get stumped. Asking yourself, “What happens
next?” is a workable writing prompt for any first draft. If the answer is “I
don’t know,” ask one of your characters. (Oftentimes the antagonist knows…)
6.) Write with the
door shut.
You can open it later.
7.) Develop the
first draft.
Once you hit your word count, put the book in the drawer and write something else.
Could be a few months before you come back, and that’s good. When you
return to your first draft, be forgiving, and take the opportunity to go deep!
Layer in sensory experiences, motivations, conflicts, world-building details.
Bring that book to life!
8.) Does this go
here?
Usually story elements need moving around. Totally normal. Consider building a
story roadmap, analyzing your story beats, or even creating a document in
bullet points showing what’s happening in your story.
9.) Polish last. This
is the downfall of many aspiring writers. Too critical too soon. Your words
will change hundreds of times throughout the process. It isn’t worth wasting
tons of time polishing early on. Only after the story is secure is it worth going paragraph by paragraph, sentence
by sentence, word by word. This is the time to be artful. Clean up
overused expressions, words, search and destroy clichés. Useful resources:
Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Dave King is a must for new authors. Edit Minion is a wonderful resource for discovering overused words, average sentence
length, passive phrasing, clichés, and other writerly details.
10.)
Hire an
editor! You
don’t have to pay out the nose. It is an expense, but don’t you owe it
to your book? Also, the more you give, the more you get. If you turn in a
manuscript riddled with errors, you’re asking too much from your editor.
Remember: It’s your job to write the book. It’s the editor’s job to make it
shine.
What do you think of this list? Helpful, or not so much? Please
sound off in the comments below!
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AUTHOR BIO:
David Beem loves
superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family
and crippling self-doubt. To help actualize David’s inner confidence, visit his
website and buy all the stuff: www.davidbeem.com.
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CONNECT WITH DAVID:
Website:
Mailing List:
Blog:
Email:
edgerbook@gmail.com
Facebook:
Twitter:
BookBub Author Page:
BookBub Book Page:
Goodreads Author Page:
Goodreads Book Page:
Amazon Author Page:
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AMAZON BOOK BUY
LINKS:
Amazon Kindle eBook:
Amazon Paperback:
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GIVEAWAY INFO:
David will be awarding a $10 Amazon or B/N GC to
a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour.
**This post contains affiliate links and if clicked and a
purchase is made, I may receive a small commission to help support this
blog. This does not cost you anything,
it just helps pay for all those awesome giveaways on here.**
