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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Edger by David Beem - Audio Book Tour - Guest Post - Giveaway - Enter Daily!

Hey, lovelies!  It gives me great pleasure today to host David Beem and his new book, “Edger – Audio Book”!  For other stops on his Goddess Fish Promotions Book Tour, please click on the banner above or any of the images in this post.

Be sure to make it to the end of this post to enter to win a $10 Amazon or Barnes and Noble Gift Card!!  Also, come back daily to interact with David and to increase your chances of winning!

Thanks for stopping by!  Wishing you lots of luck in this fabulous giveaway!

Edger – Audio Book
by David Beem


GENRE: Comedy, Action/Adventure



Meet Edger (Ed-jer), a twenty-six-year-old gadget retail dork destined to become the world’s first superhero! His superpower: the ability to channel the Collective Unconscious, a psychic network connecting the living and the dead. In his arsenal are the skills of Bruce Lee, the strength of Samson, the wisdom of the ages...and the dancing chops of Michael Jackson—including that one twisty foot move, crotch grab, and fedora tilt. But there's a catch... Like every psychic super power to get administered through a hypodermic needle, this one comes with a prick. Someone seems to have misplaced the booster necessary for stabilizing his superpower. Without it, Edger has three days before his brain turns to pudding. Join our Dork of Destiny as he overcomes the world’s greatest butt, two rival Cluck-n-Pray gangs, an evil cow, a Green Bay Defensive Tackle, rifle-toting assassins—and a pair of stoners who inadvertently create the world’s first supervillain after a wild night on Twitter!



The water is filling.

We’re spinning.

Blondie is rapturing.

Below us, the nightclub turns like a sparkling dream. Worse, Underwearld is wallpapered in phosphorescent art photos of Caleb in his Calvin Kleins.

“Hey Edger—it’s Caleb!” says Mary, banging her shoulder against the side of our disco ball water torture prison and sloshing water. “Caleb! Caleb!”

I roll my eyes. “Of course you know Caleb. Because the universe just couldn’t let me die without letting me know: Hey—Mary knows Caleb.”

“Edger, Caleb’s H.A.R.D.O.N.”

“Hard-on for you, hard-on for Kate—”

“Oh my God, Edger. Not now, okay? High Risk Agency for Regulating the Defense Of the NFL.”

“What!? That doesn’t even make any sense! It should be H-A-R-D-O—wait, somebody capitalized the freaking O—?! You know, my tax dollars paid someone to capitalize that letter O.”

“Really? Really, Edger? You want to do this now?”

“That’s what they always say too: ‘You wanna do this now.’ But notice they never balance the budget. All I’m saying is, you gotta talk about it sometime.”

“Edger! We. Are about. To die.”

So I’m panting, she’s panting, and Caleb’s down there scanning the room in front of a larger than life phosphorescent photograph of his crotch. Because apparently all paths in life lead there.

“Caleb!” Mary yells.

“Caleb!” I yell.

And so there we are, yelling our butts off, banging our shoulders into the wall, water sloshing over our faces—you know, not panicking.

Then the water level reaches our chins.



How to Hold Yourself Accountable:
New Writers Can Finish that Book!

One of these days I’m going to write that novel…

Don’t let these be your famous last words!

Finishing your first novel is something most aspiring fiction writers will never do. There are a zillion excuses to keep you from reaching the end. (And usually Twitter is at the top of the list.) Perhaps it’s fair to say the real secret to success is success itself, which poses a bit of a chicken and egg conundrum. Getting your book written is the only way to develop a functional system for writing your book. Below are my 10 suggestions for new writers hoping to make it from the first word to the last.

1.)  Know thyself. How much can you write on your best day? Five hundred words? A thousand? Seven thousand? Consider your frame of mind on those best days and how to create an environment where there are more best days than not.

2.)  Set practical goals. Now that you know how many words you can crank out, start small. Assume only one day a week will be spectacular. Keep showing up to write, even when it means half productivity on your average writing day. Determine how long to reach your final word count. Eg. Best day = 2000, average day = 1000. @5 days, you’ve got 6k words written each week. @60k-word projected draft, you’ll be done in 10 weeks. Put that date on the calendar, keep showing up to write.

3.)  Don’t sweat it. After all, this is the part where you simply shovel words—any words—onto the page. It need only be workable, not artful. Remember: Anything can be edited.

4.)  Plotter or pantser? Follow your intuition. If you want some structure, set aside some time (separately from writing time) to build a story frame. Pro tip: Frames can be revised too. Relax!

5.)  What happens next? At some point, every writer will get stumped. Asking yourself, “What happens next?” is a workable writing prompt for any first draft. If the answer is “I don’t know,” ask one of your characters. (Oftentimes the antagonist knows…)

6.)  Write with the door shut. You can open it later.

7.)  Develop the first draft. Once you hit your word count, put the book in the drawer and write something else. Could be a few months before you come back, and that’s good. When you return to your first draft, be forgiving, and take the opportunity to go deep! Layer in sensory experiences, motivations, conflicts, world-building details. Bring that book to life!

8.)  Does this go here? Usually story elements need moving around. Totally normal. Consider building a story roadmap, analyzing your story beats, or even creating a document in bullet points showing what’s happening in your story.

9.)  Polish last. This is the downfall of many aspiring writers. Too critical too soon. Your words will change hundreds of times throughout the process. It isn’t worth wasting tons of time polishing early on. Only after the story is secure is it worth going paragraph by paragraph, sentence by sentence, word by word. This is the time to be artful. Clean up overused expressions, words, search and destroy clichés. Useful resources: Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Dave King is a must for new authors. Edit Minion is a wonderful resource for discovering overused words, average sentence length, passive phrasing, clichés, and other writerly details.

10.)  Hire an editor! You don’t have to pay out the nose. It is an expense, but don’t you owe it to your book? Also, the more you give, the more you get. If you turn in a manuscript riddled with errors, you’re asking too much from your editor. Remember: It’s your job to write the book. It’s the editor’s job to make it shine.

What do you think of this list? Helpful, or not so much? Please sound off in the comments below!



David Beem loves superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. To help actualize David’s inner confidence, visit his website and buy all the stuff: www.davidbeem.com.




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David will be awarding a $10 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour.

**This post contains affiliate links and if clicked and a purchase is made, I may receive a small commission to help support this blog.  This does not cost you anything, it just helps pay for all those awesome giveaways on here.**

This contest is sponsored by a third party. Fabulous and Brunette is a registered host of Goddess Fish Promotions.  Prizes are given away by the sponsors and not Fabulous and Brunette. The featured author and Goddess Fish Promotions are solely responsible for the giveaway prize.


  1. David ~ Good morning! Welcome back! It is so great to have you here again! Congrats on your new audiobook and good luck on the tour! :)

    1. Thank you so much, Ally! (And thank you for hosting today!)

  2. The book sounds very interesting. I hope that it is a success.

  3. I liked the excerpt, thank you.

  4. I love all the superpowers in the book. It sounds like a fun read.

  5. This sounds like a good series.