'Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate
by Dorothy Rosby

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GENRE: Humorous Essays

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BOOK BLURB:

Christmas comes but once a year; chaos never ends! Happy Halloween, merry Christmas and joyful Lumpy Rug Day. That’s real, by the way. Lumpy Rug Day is celebrated every May 3, though “celebrated” might be too strong a word. It’s the American way to create a celebration for everything, then turn it into a chore or worse, a nightmare. ’Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate is a collection of humorous essays about how we let our expectations steal the joy out of Christmas and other holidays and special events. It’s understanding for those who think Christmas form letters can be honest—or they can be interesting. And it’s empathy for anyone who’s ever gotten poison ivy during Nude Recreation Week or eaten all their Halloween candy and had to hand out instant oatmeal packets to their trick-or-treaters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EXCERPT TWO:

Excerpt from Essay: The First Year of the Rest of Your Life

… I’ve studied the topic of New Year’s resolutions. And from my extensive research, I’ve gleaned the following tips for keeping them:

1.Write them down. The simple act of putting your resolutions on paper will make them seem more doable and make you feel more committed to them. Also, if you fail you’ll have your list ready when it comes time to make resolutions next year.

2.Frame your resolutions in a positive way. For example, instead of saying “next year I will stop being a couch potato,” say “Next year, I will become a couch asparagus, which has fewer carbohydrates.”

3.Don’t let setbacks discourage you. If you fall off the wagon get right back in the saddle! Tomorrow’s another day. Never say die. Then next year resolve to stop using clichés.

4.Keep a journal of your progress. It could look something like this. January 1: I resolve to walk the dog daily. This is going to be so fun! January 2: Spotty and I walked four blocks. We are bonding and getting fit at the same time! Tomorrow we’ll do five. January 3: Spotty and I walked four blocks again. It’s okay once we’re walking but I hate getting up early. January 4: Spotty and I walked just two blocks today. It’s so cold this time of year. January 5: I forgot to walk Spotty. January 6: Spotty isn’t my dog. We got him for the kids. Let them walk him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GUEST POST:

Five Reasons You Should Read My Book

If you’ve ever won your company’s Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest without even entering, or lost your temper and called Santa Claus a big fat fake in front of a five-year-old or came to blows with another Christmas shopper over the last air fryer on the shelf, this book is for you. ‘Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate: Holidays, Special Occasions and Other Times Our Celebrations Get Out of Hand is a collection of humorous essays about how we let our expectations steal the joy out of holidays and special occasions.

Here are just five of the many lessons you’ll learn reading it.

1) You’ll learn to master the Christmas form letter with valuable tips like these: Be brief; the holiday letter should be the trailer, not the whole movie. Personalize your holiday form letter by enclosing a lock of your hair or your child’s tooth. And never say something in your Christmas form letter that only applies to a few of the people on your address list, for example, “If you’re ever in town, you’re welcome to stay with us.”

2) You’ll learn to spot and avoid giving the three worst kinds of Christmas gifts: One, the gift you give not because the recipient wants it, but because you want them to have it, for example, cooking lessons for your spouse or gift certificates for tattoo removal for your grown child. Two, the gift you give because you want it for yourself and based on the shape, size and weight of the packages under your tree, you’re sure no one got it for you. Then you plan to tell your spouse that you got them Make Your Own Greek Yogurt Kit so that the two of you could spend more quality time together. And three, the gift you give because you don’t have a single idea and you’re flat out of time to come up with one. If you’ve ever found yourself at the mall at 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve considering a decorative toilet paper dispenser complete with AM/FM radio, clock and emergency siren I’ve got two words for you: gift card.

But this isn’t just about Christmas. You’ll learn to feel less inadequate other times of the year too.

3) You’ll learn to make New Year’s Resolutions you can stick to until at least January 3 with helpful tips like this one: Frame your resolutions in a positive way. Instead of saying “next year I’ll stop being a couch potato,” say “I’ll become a couch asparagus, which has fewer carbohydrates.”

4) You’ll learn to create lovely, homemade Valentine cards sure to be cherished by your sweetie. I’ve even included some heartfelt verses you can use in your card. For example, Darling, Love is a mystery! And so is the reason you put empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard. And To My Companion on Life’s Highway, Of course I think you’re a good driver. And with some coaching from me you could be a great driver.”

5) Most importantly you’ll learn you’re not alone. I start with Christmas and continue on through the year tackling the feelings of inadequacy that arise during special occasions like graduations, class reunions and weddings as well as major and minor holidays. I wrap things up with Thanksgiving when I attempt to answer that age-old question: Does the five-second rule apply to a Thanksgiving turkey that’s been dropped en route from the oven to the counter.

So yes, if you read this book, you’re guaranteed to feel adequate—or at least more adequate than I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR BIO:

Dorothy Rosby is an author humor columnist whose work regularly appears in publications throughout the West and Midwest. Her humor writing has been recognized by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the National Federation of Press Women and the South Dakota Newspaper Association. In 2022 she was named the global winner in the Erma Bombeck Writers Competition in the humor writing category. She’s the author of four books of humorous essays.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~