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My name is Gemma Stone. I’m a Maricopa County Sheriff’s Deputy and not only must I deal with the sweat-soaked misery of the Arizona desert, I get to respond to a bunch of crazy 9-1-1 calls all day long. Like a parakeet up a tree, or a car accident where a tractor trailer full of fireworks is hit and the 4th of July comes a bit early.
But some days crime takes a deadly turn. Police cars are suddenly blowing up. Detective Sergeant Dante Delgado, the love of my life, was assigned to track down and stop the bomber. Am I worried? You betcha. There’s a madman on the loose and he is very, very good at making bombs.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the Feds think I’m in cahoots with an Iraqi warlord who deals in stolen antiquities, Ichabod, my murderous ex-dance partner, escapes from prison and I’m suddenly in everyone’s crosshairs.
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“Damn!” Frank spat and slammed on the brakes.
The seatbelt abruptly clamped around my chest. “Holy crap!” The skinny, white male with the feathered headdress and loincloth was doing his war dance in the middle of the road. I keyed my mic, “Charlie-23 show us out at 85th Avenue and Bell Road with a male dancing in the middle of the street.”
“Copy, Charlie-23,” the dispatcher responded.
A truck narrowly missed the demented dancer. Did he notice? Nope. With his loin cloth flapping in the wind, he shook his hips in what looked like a weird belly-dance. Then he switched to the Texas two-step.
“Ugh. I really don’t want to make another arrest today,” I grumbled.
Frank nodded. “Me, either.”
“Stay with our prisoner. I’ll handle the boogie man.” I got out of the car before Frank could protest and approached the moron. “Sir, if you feel the need to dance, could you do it on the sidewalk?”
He took one look at me, shrieked and bolted down the roadway, yelling, “It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.” Horns honking, cars swerved around him.
“Aw, c’mon! It’s too dang hot to be running.” Did he listen? Hell, no. I trotted after him. It wasn’t like he could run very fast in flip-flops. “Stop! Now! You’re gonna get hit!”
The overhead lights flashing on the patrol car, Frank followed behind us.
The fool lost his flip-flops and did a crazy hippity-hoppity dance over to a circle of grass on the highway median.
I picked up his flip-flops. The pavement was about 180 degrees, and he wasn’t going anywhere without his shoes. “Why are you running?”
“I don’t want to go to jail,” he wheezed.
“And I don’t want to arrest you.”
“You don’t?”
“Nope. What’s your name?”
“Tim White.”
“Okay, Tim, what’s up with the dancing?”
He shrugged. “I’m just trying to spread a little joy.”
“Un-huh. Does it look like it’s working?”
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I was a 9-1-1 dispatcher for the Glendale Police Department and to keep from going totally bonkers – I mean people have no idea what a real emergency is. Take this for example: I answered, “9-1-1 emergency, what’s your emergency?” And this hysterical woman yelled, “My bird is in a tree.” Sometimes I really couldn’t help myself, so I said, “Birds have a tendency to do that, ma’am.” The woman screeched, “No! You don’t understand. My pet parakeet is in the tree. I’ve just got to get him down.” Like I said, not a clue. “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t get birds out of trees.” The woman then cried, “But… What about my husband? He’s up there, too.” See what I had to deal with? To keep from hitting myself repeatedly in the head with my phone I took up writing.
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Hey, lovelies!! It gives me great pleasure today to host Jeanette Watts and her new book, “Jane Austen Lied to Me,” here on FAB!! For other stops on her Goddess Fish Promotions Book Tour, please click on the banner above or any of the images in this post.
Be sure to make it to the end of this post to enter to win a $15 Amazon OR Barnes and Noble Gift Card!! Also, come back daily to interact with Jeanette and to increase your chances of winning!!
Thanks for stopping by!! Wishing you all lots of good luck in this fabulous giveaway!!
Jane Austen Lied to Me
by Jeanette Watts
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GENRE: Romantic Comedy
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BLURB:
Dear Diary,
In three years of college, there are seven times my life seemed to suddenly turn into a Jane Austen novel; seven times my life, instead of becoming a romance, turned into a made-for-TV drama.
What am I doing wrong?
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EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT:
Feb 28
I’ve been thinking about my conversation with Professor Jacobson over and over. The thing about formulas and people. It makes a certain kind of sense, but does it lack a romantic sensibility?
Ha! Sense and Sensibility!
This is the second time that Professor Jacobson has me thinking about S&S. Well, if I’m no Lizzie Bennett, there are worse things in life than being a Marianne Dashwood. She had youth and beauty and high spirits. She wasn’t good at the dating thing, either, and overlooked the better man at first. Why was that? Did Colonel Brandon seem unromantic at first impression?
Even though I’ve got an assignment due in Spanish, as well as the inevitable calc and chem homework, I grabbed Sense and Sensibility to take with me to read while I went to dinner. I wanted to read everything in the book about Colonel Brandon.
Anne spotted me in the dining hall while I was halfway through a tuna sandwich and a really big pile of potato chips. “Hey, Roomie.” She slid her cafeteria tray onto the table across from me and plopped her book bag down beside it. “You having a really bad day?”
“Um, no I don’t think so, why?” I asked.
“Usually, if you’re having a bad day, you pick up Jane Austen and read a little something before you start to study. Since instead of sitting here doing your homework, you’re sitting here reading Jane Austen, I take it you had an exceptionally bad day today.”
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AUTHOR BIO:
Jeanette Watts has written three Jane Austen-inpsired novels, two other works of historical fiction, stage melodramas, television commercials, and humorous essays for Kindle Vella.
When she is not writing, she is either dancing, sewing, or walking around in costume at a Renaissance festival talking in a funny accent and offering to find new ladies’ maids for everyone she finds in fashionably-ripped jeans.
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CONNECT WITH JEANETTE:
Website:
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/JeanetteWattsAuthor
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/JAMLW_writer
Pinterest:
https://www.pinterest.com/jeanette2420
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/jeanettewattsauthor
TikTok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@jeanettewattsauthor
Goodreads Author Page:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6967936.Jeanette_Watts
Goodreads Book Page:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36464889-jane-austen-lied-to-me
Amazon Author Page:
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AMAZON BOOK BUY LINKS:
Amazon US Kindle eBook:
Amazon US Paperback:
Amazon CA Kindle eBook:
https://www.amazon.ca/Jane-Austen-Lied-Jeanette-Watts-ebook/dp/B075XHNR3W
Amazon CA Paperback:
https://www.amazon.ca/Jane-Austen-Lied-Jeanette-Watts/dp/1974365514
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GIVEAWAY INFO:
Jeanette will be awarding a $15 Amazon OR Barnes and Noble Gift Card (Winner’s Choice!!!) to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour.**This post contains affiliate links and if clicked and a purchase is made, I may receive a small commission to help support this blog. This does not cost you anything, it just helps pay for all those fabulous community outreach projects and awesome giveaways on here**
This contest is sponsored by a third party. Fabulous and Brunette is a registered host of Goddess Fish Promotions. Prizes are given away by the sponsors and not Fabulous and Brunette. The featured author and Goddess Fish Promotions are solely responsible for the giveaway prize.Dear Diary,AUTHOR BIO:Jeanette Watts has written three Jane Austen-inpsired novels, two other works of historical fiction, stage melodramas, television commercials, and humorous essays for Kindle Vella.
In three years of college, there are seven times my life seemed to suddenly turn into a Jane Austen novel; seven times my life, instead of becoming a romance, turned into a made-for-TV drama.
What am I doing wrong?
When the school’s bad boy infiltrates her shelter, will she lose her sanctuary or her heart?EXCERPT TWO:
Hopelessly clumsy Ava, is too focused on graduation and keeping both feet on the ground to have a boyfriend. She has enough to worry about with a less than ideal home life.
Bad boy Dylan can’t help but find Ava’s klutziness entertaining. That doesn’t mean he wants to date her.
When court-ordered community service forces them together at the animal shelter, Ava fears she’s lost her refuge. Dylan’s arrogance gets under her skin. And she finds it unforgivable the dogs prefer him after everything she’s done for them. A spontaneous water fight heats things up and suddenly she anticipates each meeting. But his reputation might be too much for her to overlook.
Will Ava be forced to find a new escape? Or will she stumble her way into his heart?
Bad Boys Don’t Date Clumsy Girls is a light-hearted, clean young adult romantic comedy. The first book in the Oak Grove High series by KE Strand. It will make you cringe, cry, and cackle.
Buy Bad Boys Don’t Date Clumsy Girls for your latest binge read today.
**This post contains affiliate links and if clicked and a purchase is made, I may receive a small commission to help support this blog. This does not cost you anything, it just helps pay for all those fabulous community outreach projects and awesome giveaways on here**
This contest is sponsored by a third party. Fabulous and Brunette is a registered host of Goddess Fish Promotions. Prizes are given away by the sponsors and not Fabulous and Brunette. The featured author and Goddess Fish Promotions are solely responsible for the giveaway prize.
